1. I don't want to pack to go back to school today!
2. I don't want to leave my family.
3. I'm not ready to do homework again!
4. I don't want to drive in this wind.
5. I wish Grant would be home sooner!
6. I wish I didn't have to leave my baby calves.
7. I don't have many clean clothes to take with me.
8. I don't want to go back to the cardiologist.
9. I'm tired of not having a plan and not knowing what the heck I'm going to do next.
These among other things are what I am dreading about this week. I am not cut out to be far away from Malta, Idaho. This break has been so great and CSI so generously gave us a month off, yeah that's right I took my last final on December 19th and I didn't have to go back until January 22nd...I know I'm spoiled. I do have a lot of things to be grateful for and I hate whiny posts but today I just don't want to do any of that. I just want to stay here where I am completely comfortable and happy. I know I will be back home this Friday and its only 4 days but seriously I am having trouble making myself get up pack and leave. Why am I so awful at this college thing? Okay I am not awful I made the Dean's list I just mean awful at being away from everything I know. Most kids love college and the freedom but I am no different at college than I am at home. I don't party, I don't date, I don't have friends that do either, so we hang out at our apartment and watch movies and do homework! Not what you were expecting for my college experience right? I guess because I went into a program with people who are already married and have kids and serious boyfriends that they are with, yeah me and one other girl are the only ones in the entire class that don't fall into that category. Grant is a serious boyfriend, but maybe if he was in the same state and we got to talk more than once a week, maybe then I would fall into that category. But for another 6 months I don't belong in that category which wont even matter because I graduate on May 17th, yup that's the second time I graduate from CSI that Grant won't be there. I miss Grant. Being at home this last month has made me miss him even more and you know what else is annoying seeing couples post new pictures on facebook, or sitting in church and everyone is all lovey dovey, it makes me wanna slap them, and that's not nice I know because they are just being happy and all but I don't get to do that and it makes me sad/mad/lonely all at the same time so cut it out people. Valentines day is coming up BLAH! I usually don't mind Valentine's day but since Grant left it is probably my most dreaded holiday. All the little couples get together right before Valentine's day and they get to go out on dates and all that fun stuff and i'm like okay i'll get ice cream and watch The Notebook by myself and pretend that i'm not a total loser. I did get flowers and a Valentine's package but everyone just says awww like in a "aww that's so sad that you are alone on Valentine's day and got a package from a guy who you haven't seen in ____ amount of time" yeah people I know what you're thinking you aren't fooling me. But on the Brightside of Valentine's day its the last one I will spend alone HA take that people who think i'm super pathetic! Okay I think I should probably wrap up this rant so I don't seem crazier than I really am.